the-last-templar

I know you'll never read this which is why it's going here. What did 080808 mean? What did it mean this time? We Just keep circling around weaving in and out. In an effort to prove me wrong you proved me right. I didn't want to be right. I just wanted to be; with you. We've been here before, about a year ago. Why do I keep doing this? Keep setting myself up for disappointment? Where do we go from here?

I find that I need to watch what I say more and more. At first I didn't have to watch what I said, I had many more aquaintances than friends on my pages. I added people i worked with but indirectly and I had to watch myself a little closer. Now I have close friends, family, and coworkers who can all see what I say. I have almost nowhere that I can say "I'm borderline suicidal", "yes, I've put a gun in my mouth and seriously thought about pulling the trigger".

I was lying on the ground. it didn't seem like anything was wrong but I wasn't moving either for some reason. everyone else turned away and drove off. before the last car left, the driver said something to -her-. -she- said something back to them and they drove off. -she- stood there for a moment and then -she- came back and sat next to me. we stayed like that for a moment and then -she- picked up my hands, at which point I woke up. I woke up happy; at 0230.